10. I have a weak stomach. As a result, I avoid eating in restaurants and social events if I could. It is not that I do not enjoy the food or eating out with family and friends. It is simply because my stomach will reject the food. Within 10 minutes of eating- 20 if I am lucky- I will need to use the restroom. Even a rich sandwich or salad will still send me running. It is embarrassing, but it is also a disgusting truth.
9. I find socializing exhausting and challenging. I was never a social butterfly. I still am not a social butterfly. I often do not share the same interests as other people, making conversations very difficult to carry on. Because I am socially awkward, I find making friends and finding potential dates quite difficult. However, for the ones who persevered and actually made it past my wall are truly treasured and kept close to my heart.
8. I do not give second chances. Every person that I encounter and become an acquaintance with will always have 100% of my trust. I chose to see the good in people and believe that there are good intentions behind every actions. I will trust that person, support that person, and stand up for that person until I am proven wrong. The moment that trust is broken is the moment I am done with that person. I can forgive mistakes, but I can never forget them either. As the saying goes, "wounds may heal, but the scars remain."
7. I live with insomnia. It has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It still is a part of my life. For a while, I though I was an oddball in the family because I would lie awake late into the night while everyone else slept. Then, I thought I was simply born a night owl who could pull all nighters during the week of school and still managed to function. Now, I realized all those sleepless nights were due to insomnia. The insomnia gets worse with stress, which in my case is all the time.
6. I experience some degree of depression. With the insomnia comes the depression. I am a physically, mentally, and emotionally weak person. More so physically and emotionally, I think. I empathize easily with people, and with that, I also hurt easily. I cry as quickly as I laugh. I sometime wear my emotions on my sleeves, but most times, I hide them so well others cannot tell how I am feeling. If mild, I find myself spending hundreds of dollars at a time on myself- something I do not practice on a regular basis. If moderate, I find myself isolated in my room and in my bed sleeping the hours away. I have yet to experience severe depression, and I pray I will never do. I am afraid of what I am capable of the moment all I see is black.
5. I hate changes. I understand that not all changes are bad, but boy, do I still hate changes. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave foot prints in your heart." It is not those people who walk in and out of my life that hurts me most but those friends who leave foot prints behind. Because I am such an emotional and sentimental person, I hold everyone and everything very closely to my heart. When changes happen, some of those I hold dearly start slipping away, and I cannot get them back. I learn to let them go and to adapt to those changes, but every time it happen, it hurts so much.
4. I enjoy watching people. I do not know if this counts as a secret since everyone participates in all the times. However, being the kind of person I am, I do enjoy people watching. The shape of their smile, the sound of their voice, and the ways they interact with their surrounding are all so unique and special. Every person is living out his or her very own story, and for just a moment, I am blessed to get a glimpse of it. I may not be a participant but I am a witness of such a story no matter the ending.
3. I believe in those once-in-a-lifetime-love. I acknowledge that love comes in many forms and can be given in many ways to different people at the same time. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my students. I love my idols. I love my books. I love my independence. However, these are not quite my once-in-a-lifetime-love. My family is continually growing. My friends and students come and go with each passing year. My idols and books change as my independence take me places. A once-in-a-lifetime-love will continue to grow but will never leave or change as it remain by my side.
2. I am uncomfortable around men. Where to start with this one? It may have to be a post of its own for another day.
1. I hold too many secrets.
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